A FUNNY ONE HUNDRED DOLLAR BILL
This story took place on the island of Cyprus some years ago! In the city of Larnaka lived a publisher who was a witty man with a deep sense of humor.
He used to contrive jokes over people very often but rather innocent to be treated as an insult for a man.
Every time, when he was in a good mood one more new prank appeared to exist.
There was no limit to his invention, because he was a cultured, clever and well educated man. Nobody was not able to guess, what kind of another joke might have come out on the next day.
Thus, in one God’s day he made up his mind to fabricate a roll of toilet paper with a printed one hundred dollar bill on it, being as genius as it was impossible to distinguish it from the original form. He had a close friend who was the owner of a five star hotel located on the sea coast of the city. The owner laughed at his funny joke and suggested him to send it over to the bank to get the change in response….
But fortunately it was so happened that the roll of paper with printed one hundred dollar bill instead of sending to the bank was brought, by a funny mistake, to the luxurious five star apartments situated in the very tourist area of the city, where only well to do people used to stay.
The employees of that hotel were glad to have their every day working time to be a little easier and welcomed the publisher’s unusual joke wholeheartedly…
After being fixed above the closet basin in the main parlor of the hotel, where it was its usual place, the toilet paper had been used with laughter and humor by all the visitors and guests of the hotel.
The personnel of the hotel after every day cleaning, merrily checked up the size of the roll diminishing, preparing to make a present to a guest, who would be the last one to use that bill on purpose. It was the agreed condition of the joke.
So days went on, and soon there was only a small piece of that roll left.
And it again happened so, that a pretty, model-liked woman, many men always used to turn back to look at her, stayed for summer holiday in that hotel.
Naturally she visited that notorious toilet also. But due to the unforeseen contingency the maid cleaner, who was in charge to meet the last happy prize-winner, had been involved into a furious flirtation with a fellow errand- boy and, in the heat of passion, she overlooked the situation.
The model-liked lady, full of proud, pompously left the ladies room to the unknown direction…
In the late evening of the same day, the chief manager, a black-haired middle-aged man stood exiting very much at the door of the hotel, watching the model lady coming back.
When at last he saw the woman, walking vigorously and solemnly with her nose turned up like a noble queen, he ran up to her.
-“ I beg my pardon, madam – he started, a bit abashed – Well, excuse me please for interrupting your way , but… I … We … so, saying in short…, have you been in the hotel ground floor lavatory today?”
He was given a glance, it was better not to recommend to any man to have.
The pretty “top society lady” had got into a rage at once: -
“You, stinking goat… How dare you to ask me about it… Didn’t your mammy teach how to deal with women? Where were you born? In a jail?
Supposing in the gutter in slums? Do show me please that poor donkey who had been teaching you to say such unpleasant words to a lady?”.
The manager was struck dump because of a deep embarrassment and discomfort: -
“ I am so sorry, madam- he murmured fumbling for words… -Well.. I… meant not to abase you as a woman. In the other way, I wanted to present you with our joke prize since you were the last one that happened to have that one hundred dollar fake bill in the ladies room!
- One hundred dollar bill –a slim and stately lady rose her brows up: “ Was it a fake?
- Yes it was, madam- the chief manger cleared his throat:–“Excuse me, but it was just a prank by our city publisher. Could you please give us that piece of paper back… and we shall give you the present prepared for you”…
The pretty lady resembling a working model paused, then said: “Unfortunately, my dear I can’t give it back because I have just already spent it. I have paid off for my splendid dinner in the Palm Beach Restaurant, then I did some shopping in the department store where I bought the running shoes, a nice 20 dollars skirt and 14 dollars fancy-bag; after that I was sitting, for a while, in the beach café where I ate some ice-scream with strawberry then emptied a glass of champagne and, on leaving, I tipped the waiter. And he gave me some change back I am going to spend in the amusement center tomorrow… Still I am sure that bill was given me by the Lord. I thought it was my Godsend ( windfall)…. And by the way, I have been always indifferent to those fools who lose their money in the lavatories… I am not a thief. I have found this bill. I am a good searcher!
Bye-bye my dear. I am well tired for the all day spent and I want to go to the bed! Mind up your manner next time.”
And with these pejorative words a pretty, model-liked lady with a large and beautiful eyes, waved her hand in front of the manager’s nose and made resolutely for her apartments as a night movie star tired from a long lazy day….
Gregory Trigger Moscow 2008
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